929. Free hand


There was one thing that Fabian wasn’t particularly fond of – in fact he hated it – and that was loose elastic in his pants. He would have to hold his pants up with one hand and do everything else with the other.

And then he died.

His silly wife, Caroline Myrtle, had him buried wearing those pants with the damn loose elastic.

There he is now! That one over there, playing beatific golf with one free arm, and holding his pants up with the free hand. Forever.

43 thoughts on “929. Free hand

      1. Cynthia Jobin

        Between you and me, Pauline, Bruce has his heavens and hells mixed up. We know that “beatific” always did refer to heaven, but maybe he thinks it describes some sort of hellish, eternal beauty parlor where one is judged by the elastic on one’s pants and is forced to play golf……

              1. Cynthia Jobin

                Nay..nay….one keeps one’s stockings up with garters, and/or a garter belt…..
                (In the US, braces are a particular type of suspenders…the kind that have leather ends with buttonholes that button onto the trousers)

                1. Bruce Goodman Post author

                  OK – that’s interesting. Garters were the elastic bands (usually boys had them – we certainly had to have them at high school ) to keep the socks up to just below knee level. (Boys/teens nearly always wore shorts to school). I never knew that was the word for the leather button-hole thingy. Brides wore a garter (on one leg I think) to their wedding??? Help! I’m not an expert at these things, although I do know that “suspenders” is creeping in in NZ for braces!

                  1. Cynthia Jobin

                    Thank goodness for the introduction of tights and panty hose to rid us of some of the horrible hardware of female nether garments.
                    The bride’s garter at weddings is just a silly tradition…..at the reception the groom removes it “ceremoniously” and tosses it out to the men folk so someone can catch it…much like the bride tossing her bouquet to the ladies….

                    1. Cynthia Jobin

                      Whalebone bodices? We?

                      For fellows like Fabian, there are always the grown-up “onesies” : long johns, overalls…. and, in fabric, color, and style, think of all the possible fashion statements to be made with the basic jumpsuit!

  1. arlingwoman

    Ummm…dude needed to take those trousers to a seamstress. He deserves to be holding them up in eternity for his inability to get a tailor, a belt, or suspenders…


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