Janice Hazel Rainey, the Member of Parliament for Chuffachoochoo, West Dunderland, said she was concerned about the high percentage of deaths that occurred in rest homes and retirement villages. The number of deaths per head of population was out of proportion to the deaths that occurred in other sectors of society. It was even higher than those killed in traffic accidents.
Although 98% of old people claimed that death was relatively imminent, the margin of error was 3.7%, so it was likely that an even greater percentage of elderly people were destined for death.
Janice Hazel Rainey proposed a solution; a good number of the deaths occurred while the victims were sleeping, so all beds, bedroom fixtures, and even bedrooms themselves, were removed from retirement villages and rest homes. Similarly, a number of deaths occurred in bathrooms, so lavatory bowls, basins, baths, and showers were removed.
Mrs. Vera Jolliffe, widow, aged 94, said she was delighted with the improvements and felt so much more confident in being able to reach 100.
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So true…so hilarious!! Puts me in mind of Jonathan Swift.
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😀 My favourite line of Swift is at the end of Gulliver: “Pernicious race of little odious vermin…”
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It’s quite amazing how many witty clichés we take for granted come from Swift….as many as from Shakespeare, probably.
One great source of them is his work: Polite Conversations….a treasure trove of wit.
A couple that I like: “She wears her clothes as if they had been thrown on her with a pitchfork.”
and “He was a bold man that first ate an oyster.”
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😀 These days he would be unacceptably un-PC!
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On the plus side, they’d be so tired they wouldn’t notice if they were dead…
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You don’t have to be old to do that!!!
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Brilliant!! This must be copied out and sent to every MP asap so they can race to be the one to move this proposal into action. Why none of them have mooted it in the recent past is a mystery to me, it is so obviously the next step forward!!
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That’s soooo true. And it’s so obvious you’d wonder why they’ve never thought of it themselves.
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Obviously the world of politics awaits your coming!
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I have taught at least 5 members of Parliament – including the Deputy Prime Minister!
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Mmmm – I’m wondering if this is something to boast publicly about …. you could be blamed you know!
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I know!
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Oh dear. My mind went straight to data, its uses, misuses and often the lack thereof among our representatives. I wish I could say it went to Swift, but it didn’t.
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Washington is not alone in it’s blind silliness!
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That’s it. I’m moving to West Dunderland where the politicians push far more logical and thoughtful policy than here in the States.
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I think West Dunderland is already overcrowded with sensible people. You’ll be lucky to get a passport!
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It’s all about cause and effect, isn’t it? The MP can now turn her attention to deaths in private homes, on the roads and in playgrounds. Life will become so much simpler when the results are released.
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You never mentioned drownings – there’s going to be lots of kudos in dealing with drownings…
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Some 20 years ago in Ontario, there was a Conservative government whose campaign slogan was “The common sense revolution”. A little known fact is that the Premier, the Rt. Hon. Mike Harris, visited Chuffachoochoo, NZ (at taxpayers expense, of course) to learn from the Hon. Janice Hazel Rainey.
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LOL! It’s great that they visit and learn from one another!
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🙂 🙂 🙂 Sounds just like something the US government would do!
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I think governments all over the world have the same how-to handbook!
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Very good Bruce. A hearty chuckle was had!
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Glad to have entertained!
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I’m still struggling with the concept of a 3.7% margin of error on 98%. 101.7% dying ‘imminently’ would screw up the stats no end!
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You clearly don’t understand how stats work! (And nor obviously do I!)
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I knew a statistician once. Made accountants look interesting. A Powerpoint presentation by a statistician is the stuff dreams are made of. If you don’t nod off while it’s going on, at least you’ll be able to daydream!
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If you nod off, you just pick up where you didn’t leave off…
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Powerpoint presentations arguably afford among the best possible environments for plot development.
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I shall work on that… you’ve given me an idea!
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Brilliant stuff. Just highlights the difference between statistics and common sense. Someone clever once said, I believe, something like, “There are lies, damn lies and then statistics” which this post demonstrates so well. 🙂
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Thank you, Peter. Praise indeed, from an expert! (I don’t mean a statistical expert – I refer to your writing ability!)
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You pictured the relationship between National Statistics and government institutions. Vera has no choice but to live.
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😀 Yes – the government should sue those who don’t reach 100!
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