884. Alien contact

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884alien

It had to happen. It was the earth’s first contact with alien intelligent life. But it was so exasperating.

The aliens acted in such a superior fashion. They had made contact with earthlings via some advanced social media thingamajig. They said they didn’t have the slightest interest in travel, but were very much stay-at-home beings, and weren’t that interested in receiving earthlings on their planet either. They had advanced communication skills, they said. Earthlings were so backward; so inferior.

“Well! Blow them!” said a group of earthling astronauts. The earthlings got into a space craft and headed for the alien planet via some time-warp funnel-tunnel whatchamacallit. When they got there, all made sense. The aliens were hot on communication because they were trees. They were stuck in the ground and couldn’t move about. They nourished themselves via some sophisticated method of photosynthesis, and communicated, communicated, communicated.

That didn’t make them less arrogant though. The earthling astronauts chopped a couple of them down and brought them back to earth to use as firewood – just to teach them a jolly good lesson.

To listen to the story being read click HERE!

47 thoughts on “884. Alien contact”

      1. Bruce Goodman Post author

        Apparently Carly Simon’s son lived down the road from where I was living two years ago – he was living in a little “surfing town” on the west coast of New Zealand and his mother was a frequent visitor. At least that’s what I heard… But the tabloids never got hold of it, so I guess it wasn’t true.

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            1. Yvonne

              Please excuse all my finger stumbles today, I’m dopier than the average Myrtlefordian this morning, for some reason. I’d better not do any Twittercating.

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    2. Bruce Goodman Post author

      I have never got that video – I must be special! and not have a carrot stuck up my bum like those whom WordPress deem it appropriate to remind. I always give myself a “like” as a way of saying “That’s it, I’ve finished fiddling with it now. It’s all posted and not to be tampered with!”

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      1. Cynthia Jobin

        Have you gathered your firewood yet? Do you just go out and find it? We always had to buy it by the “cord” and they would dump it on the front of the driveway and we had to haul it, pile it, etc. where it could be gotten in winter. When we got it ourselves in the woods we had to saw it and split it and dry it. Then carry it into the house as needed, etc. Impossible for me to do that work, nowadays, though I do so love a real fire in the fireplace in winter.

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        1. Bruce Goodman Post author

          We used to get it ourselves and chop it up and stack it. Now the next door neighbour cuts and sells firewood so we get it at a slightly cheaper rate. Besides, we are now too old to split too much. I do remember buying wood by the “cord” – now we buy it by the “cubic metre”. And – no – we haven’t got our firewood yet, and would have used some this morning it was almost freezing.

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          1. Cynthia Jobin

            Funny how countries originally under the aegis of Great Britain have chosen to keep and not keep to those old fashioned ways of measuring. They’ve tried to change things here in the US by attrition and education , but short of a decree, we still keep to so many of the old English measures. A “cord” of wood probably started as the amount of fire wood that could be carried, tied by a cord. Here’s what it is today, in the USA https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLICD83B_qg

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            1. Bruce Goodman Post author

              That seems about right! The cord is roughly 3.6 cubic metres. So they sell firewood in 4 cubic metre lots – which is near enough to a cord.
              Speaking of the strange acceptance of the old and new – I was always amazed in the States how road signs would mix both the old imperial and the metric: 2.4 miles to NY! How long is 4/10ths of a mile!!

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                  1. Cynthia Jobin

                    You are a mind reader and a maths genius! (notice I said ‘maths” and not “math” in your honor). A “fifth” also used to be the standard amount for bottles of distilled beverages here..(a fifth of a gallon or 757ml.) Now it’s changed to bottles of 750 ml.— the standard wine bottle size, word wide.

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                    1. Bruce Goodman Post author

                      Thank you for the S in the Mathematical abbreviation. I sometimes leave the U out of neighbors in an effort to be more cosmopolitan. I have no doubt that the missing 7ml no longer in a wine bottle has not decreased the price a penny, i.e. one twelfth of a shilling!

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  8. Peter Wells aka Countingducks

    “Barbarians are we” you correctly suggest, and those trees were wise to the bottom of their roots, not that it saved them from the folly of man. Of course they share that distinction with many other species on this planet or any other we manage to blunder onto !

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  9. umashankar

    Alien life forms have always been out there; perhaps our planet is a Petri dish. So we may burn alien life forms for their arrogance in our ignorance and keep living in a bliss…

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