837. The royal pig

837pig

Once there was a beautiful princess, called Gabriellina. Her hair shone golden as the sun. Her skin was white as fresh snow. Her lips were as red as a ripe near-rotting nectarine. Her breasts (As The Songs of Songs might say) were like a couple of sheep coming out of a sheep dip. This overall combination strikes me as quite ugly, but she wasn’t. She was… woof, woof, woof.

Her father, the king, had promised her hand in marriage to a pig. A pig! A real oink oink oink pig. Not a human being who acted like a pig, but a hog. One that makes bacon. A real grunting boar.

“You never know,” said the king. “The pig is possibly the victim of some horrible spell caste by a gruesome witch. He is really a handsome prince. The spell will be broken when my beautiful princess marries him.”

The wedding was arranged. The kingdom celebrated. There were street parties and everything.

The princess appeared on the balcony with her newly married pig. They kissed. The pig turned into a frog.

26 thoughts on “837. The royal pig

  1. Cynthia Jobin

    Such a delightful story, and I find it quite impossible to choose among the many delectable images which set the mental wheels in motion: would kissing a frog be better or worse than kissing a pig? How about kissing someone with near-rotting nectarine lips? As with all good stories, one is left with momentous questions at the end.

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply
    1. Bruce Goodman Post author

      Thank you for your delightful comment, and I do hope that the momentous questions occurring don’t impinge upon your day to the point of ruination. Else the grunting boar could become a grunting bore – sort of like Prince Charles.

      Liked by 3 people

      Reply
  2. Susanne

    Oh man. Just goes to show these arranged marriages only work on a farm. Or something. This may well be my new favourite story. I’m aware i say that with simpering regularity but it’s true!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  3. umashankar

    Sir, the beauty of the princess (and her breasts) brought to life by your enchanted wand has turned me into a frog. The point is, a frog is an important milestone in the very many stages of a story as has been passed down to us by our ancestors. In other words, you have the powers to transform the daft and the mundane into an interesting story.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Gentle thoughts and expressions of astoundedness are both gratefully accepted.

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