826. Drug testing

826drugs

The story was that the boss wanted to test his younger employees for drugs. They had to handle complex machinery. He trusted his older employees; most of them had worked for him for years.

Take Sefton Fisher for example. Sefton was fifty-nine and had worked for the company since he was nineteen. That makes forty years of faithful service. The boss called Sefton into his office.

“Look,” said the boss, “I want to drug test all these younger folk, but that looks bad. I wonder if you’d mind getting drug tested so it looks like I’m being fair.”

“That’s no trouble,” said Sefton.

The drug tests were done. All came out clean. Except for Sefton. He tested positive for opiates.

“But I haven’t taken any medication or recreational drugs,” said Sefton.

Another test was done. He returned a positive result for morphine. Sefton was fired immediately.

Today, he has no job. If only they’d told him not to eat toast with poppy seeds for breakfast each morning.

57 thoughts on “826. Drug testing

      1. Cynthia Jobin

        Yes, only minute amounts will show on a drug test. But in the interest of those cookies I might bake, I read this on the internet (and we know everything on the internet is true!):

        Evidently if we eat spaghetti with a half cup of poppy seeds on top, it can make adults a little loopy.

        So what’s the upper limit of poppy seed consumption that’s probably safe? A study profiled in a video, How Many Poppy Seeds is Too Many?, suggests about one teaspoon for every seven pounds of body weight. That means that someone weighing about 150 pounds (70 kilograms) should probably eat no more than seven tablespoons of raw poppy seeds at a time.

        Buon appetito!

        Reply
          1. Cynthia Jobin

            Possibly, if one lives in one of the states like Colorado or Oregon where maryjane is legal. But
            poppy seeds can be easily bought at the grocery store, almost anywhere…. they would be a very, very bitter tasting snack if you ate so many…..dear me, I’m on the horns of a dilemma once again!

            Reply
      1. Bob Mills

        Hello Bruce. I also have regularly followed your work and always enjoy it very much. It’s good to hear from you and thank you so much for stopping by.
        A belated Happy New Year to you
        Let’s be sure to keep in touch.
        I appreciate your encouragement
        Bob

        Reply
    1. Bruce Goodman Post author

      I first had a drink of cocaine, then sucked on a willow branch for a bit of aspirin, followed by one of those red mushrooms with the white spots. Thanks for asking!

      Reply

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