817. Stink

37 Replies

817stink

You’ve no idea! When Lester goes to the toilet it stinks the whole house out! Whiff! Open the windows! I’ve told him to use the spray, and of course he does, but it still stinks the whole house out.

He’s ten times worse than all the other grandchildren. Of course, we love to have him stay, but once a day he stinks the whole house out. It’s unbelievable. It’s funny how some people are like that and others aren’t. It’s not that he eats anything different from the others. It must be his metabolism.

I don’t know how his mother copes with the three kids, and having Lester – he’s the oldest – stink the whole house out. And their house is so small. Having an outhouse like in the olden days wasn’t such a bad idea. They should get one!

Of course, if you strike a match in the lavatory it can burn up the methane and diminish the stench. But I’m not leaving a box of matches in the toilet when the grandkids come to stay. The next thing they’ll be playing with matches and burn the whole house down.

So in the meantime, we’ve simply got to put up with letting Lester stink the whole house out.

Anyway, Letitia, that’s enough about me. How are your grandkids?

To listen to the story being read click HERE!

37 thoughts on “817. Stink”

  2. Cynthia Jobin

    Well, if their house is so small, the zoning might not allow an outhouse, though outhouses are kinda nice. I used to visit a place in the country that had an outhouse. It was a two-seater.( I never managed to go with a companion, however.) In case they ran out of toilet paper—which sometimes happened— they kept an old issue of Reader’s Digest nailed to the wall, so you could rip off a page at a time. (Reader’s Digest had non-glossy pages back then.)

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    1. Bruce Goodman Post author

      Your Reader’s Digest description just goes to show how universal was the outhouse experience!

      My mother always pinned a National Geographic map to the back of the toilet door. It would be changed with each new edition. Despite that, none in the family were particularly good at geography.

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      1. Cynthia Jobin

        You might have been better at geography if some of those maps had shown such locations as Anus, France; Middlefart, Denmark; Long Dong, China; Cockburn, Australlia; Bumpass, Virgina or Athol, Massachusetts……..

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        1. Bruce Goodman Post author

          The area I lived in was “clean” in it’s nomenclature: there were three rivers with Maori names – Ohau, Otaki, and Waikanae. The song (given the English pronunciation of their names) went:
          O-how can I cross the river!
          O-take me across the river!
          Why-can-I not cross the river?

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  3. arlingwoman

    Oh, this one got a good laugh from me. There’s an advert on some YouTube videos with a woman wearing a modestly voluminous party dress sitting on a commode talking about how embarrassing it is to have to poo (her word) in someone else’s house (or public) leaving a smell. And then she pulls out this eye drop type container and says if you put two drops in before you go…I don’t know if it was a joke or a real product, but it was definitely hilarious. This grandma should buy some and put it in the bathroom if it actually exists.

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          1. Cynthia Jobin

            You remind me of a tidbit I came across on Poetry.com. A person named Saad King has put the poem “Everyday Things” that you’ve just quoted, on that site as being his own creation…. it was actually published in the 1940’s by someone named Jean Ayer, was it not?

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            1. Bruce Goodman Post author

              I had googled it before posting my comment and had to change the comment because it said it was by Jean Ayer. At primary school we had to learn it and I’d always thought it was by Hillaire Belloc – this was in the 1950s! I must check it out further. Perhaps Jean Ayer copied it off Saad King who copied it off Belloc!

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                1. Cynthia Jobin

                  Belloc wrote so many poems for children…The Bad Child’s Book of Beasts…that you probably remembered his name best, out of all those poems you learned. I was never inclined to remember authors, when I was young, only titles.

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