Tom and Seamus had been best friends for many, many years. Their families always took their vacation together at the lake. They were forever taking the mickey out of each other; pulling each other’s leg; having each other on…
Then one day, quite separately one from another, Tom and Seamus dropped dead.
The first thing they said upon arriving in the nether world was, “What on earth are you doing here?”
“I suppose we’d better find the pearly gates and see what the story is,” said Tom.
And there they were: the gates! Saint Peter was sitting at his desk looking rather bored.
“So,” said Saint Peter to Seamus, “I haven’t had time to check. What’s Tom been like? Has he been good?”
“He’s been the paradigm of goodness,” said Seamus. “Always kind. Integrity is what he has. If he says it, then it’s true.”
“And you,” said Saint Peter to Tom, “What’s Seamus been like?”
“The biggest bastard on God’s earth,” joked Tom. “I’d chuck him into hell if I was you.”
Unfortunately, Peter believed both.
Listen the story being read HERE!
Note to self:: Do not make jokes to airport security staff about your plan working or to St Peter about lack of goodness – both can land you in the deep doo-doo!!
LikeLiked by 6 people
“Landing in deep doo-doo” could be an adventure!
LikeLiked by 1 person
No Bruce, No!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Then I shall avoid deep doo-doo… (it sounds like a refrain to a medieval canticle! Deep-doo-doo deep doo-doo…)
LikeLiked by 3 people
Ooh, there’s your next musical presentation, Bruce “The deep doo-doo”.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Only if you’re a fly.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Doo-doo is such a fabulously silly word!
LikeLike
It was likely coined as a euphemism because someone didn’t like to hear tiny tots say “shit”
LikeLiked by 2 people
We always called it poos, and if it belonged to a cow it would be poop. How do you spell poop? It doesn’t rhyme with hoop – can’t think of a rhyme – more like rhyming with book.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I don’t know how you would spell that; it’s all becoming too arcane and recherché for me. There’s just no word for it that would please everyone, refined or not. My dad always said some people wouldn’t say s**t even if they had a mouthful!
LikeLiked by 1 person
There are some things one does not talk about!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wait! Let me get a pencil and write that down!
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL!
LikeLike
Poop rhymes with scoop. Do you pronounce it differently then, you Kwirky Kiwi fellow?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes – it’s not poo with a p on the end, it’s double Os as in bOOk. It’s PUT but with a P instead of a T – and no, it’s not pronounced PUP.
LikeLike
Sheesh. Or Sheeet.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have added a (temporary) file to listen to my pronunciation!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Cool, rhymes with school
LikeLiked by 1 person
No, Yvonne it doesn’t rhyme with school….it rhymes with book, cook, hook, look, nook, rook, took,…..poo(k)p
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, I meant cool rhymes with school. If it doesn’t, I’m in deep doo-doo like everyone else around here.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Pauline is to blame for bring up the damn-ed word. So we’ve probably commented enough about the damn-ed thing!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree…Pauline, oh Pauline, just look what you hath wrought!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Cool!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, please leave that for a while longer. My Canadian niece (a silent follower) needs to hear this, but she’s being all healthy at yoga right now.
I laughed in a very raucous manner about the poop all over the place. We’re kinda childish, I think! And, that’s good.
LikeLike
Say what!?
LikeLiked by 2 people
We would have been smacked if we used the s**t word as kids.
LikeLiked by 1 person
And yet, in your beautiful autobiographical “Bit of a Boyhood,” when you describe your encounter with the death of the little lamb, your only and most moving words were “Shit, I said.”
LikeLiked by 2 people
I know – because I was being naughty – and earlier, I had got locked out of the school bus by an older brother for saying it. And when did you read my autobiography? 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I dunno. Some time ago.
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL! I’m tickled pink!
LikeLiked by 1 person
And silly image as well: 💩
LikeLiked by 1 person
OMG. It’s the lonely dollop!
LikeLiked by 2 people
I guess that’s what happens when you assume that everyone else shares your sense of humour!
LikeLiked by 4 people
That’s why it’s called a punch line! Ouch!
LikeLiked by 2 people
When my oldest sister is drunk, she always delivers her punch lines with a literal punch to the upper arm.
LikeLiked by 3 people
I trust she’s not drunk on punch, says Bruise.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Poor old St. Peter…he used to really rock, but now his lights are dimming. He didn’t really know who stood before him. He thought it was Frank and Earnest.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Let’s hope their wives weren’t Glad and Joy.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Clearly, these two were of no relation to Hope and Faith.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Or Chastity and Virginia…
LikeLiked by 2 people
Bwah ha ha ha ha ha ! (That’s my diabolical laughter.) Peter sounds rightly bored after eons of gate duty. Probably denies entry at random just to spice things up a bit and get a kick out of people’s expression when the cloud vanishes from beneath their feet.
Gotta love Tom. True to himself till the end and thereafter!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Amen to that! (And your diabolical laugh is not that scary!)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Perhaps I should have included this emoticon for efficacy: 😈
LikeLiked by 1 person
Now that emoticon makes it scary. Bwah ha ha ha ha ha 😈
LikeLiked by 2 people
😀 😀 😀 Tut tut. St. Peter is slacking off. He should have done his homework.
LikeLiked by 2 people
He’s probably tired if all the Tom-foolery going on behind the gates what with Harps still being smashed over people’s head for entertainment. 😜
LikeLiked by 2 people
LOL – no need to harp on it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Not so much as a harp…more like a reprise!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes! Harp over Cynthia’s head!
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s it….I’m outta here…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sleep well…
LikeLike
Good point, but I AM disappointed in St. Peter. Tut tut.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Let’s CUT the Crap, you can change your name now to Let’s CUT the Poop.
LikeLike
I could, but it doesn’t have the same umph to it. 😀 😀 Does it? Sounds like baby talk.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Peter certainly needs a break. Maybe he should take a day off and go fishing!
LikeLike
Maybe he’s suffering from old timers? 😀 I AM disappointed in him, though.
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL! He would be far too busy directing traffic to be bored!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I guess old Pete doesn’t have much of a sense of humor! Such a pity!
LikeLiked by 1 person
He’s the butt of many a joke down here below!
LikeLike
Here in the US we use one pronunciation for the deck, the exhaustion, and the poo. It’s all poop, thereby causing great amusement among school children who first read of the poop deck.
LikeLiked by 2 people
It’s also an expression of mild exasperation… Oh poop! (Rhymes with boo(k)p!)
LikeLike
I can’t help but think people were simply avoiding saying the word that was a substitute for the very bad word…by pronouncing it differently…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, you can remove the temporary audio file now. The Silent Follower has heard and laughed.
LikeLike
Friends…got to love them bastards.
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL! Yes – where would we be without them!
LikeLiked by 1 person
This reminded me of those old puzzles where you have to work out who is lying. I had to read it several times to get it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree about the story’s obtuseness. I had to read it several times as well, and then I’m not sure if it is right… Even though one says “If he says it, then it’s true” it’s still not clearly clear!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I like reading your stories several stories at a time. The one downside is that your fans have such great responses (especially with this first one) that it can be hard to top ha.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The comments are indeed pretty good! I seem to have attracted rare intelligences. You are not alone in your “complaint” !
LikeLiked by 1 person