698. Benji’s teeth


Benj died. For years his false teeth had given him trouble.

People forgave him for his rude manner, his negativity, his brazen critique of everything good; his dentures were to blame; his dentures made his life hell; his dentures were his cross.

When he died, God met him personally at the gate. Did he have any special request? asked God.

“For God’s sake,” said Benji, “fix my bloody teeth.”

So Benji got his teeth back – in a flash, in a jiffy, a trice, a second!

“About time, you selfish git,” said Benji to God.

These days Benji spends his time in Hell, where he weeps and has a full mouth of teeth to gnash.

33 thoughts on “698. Benji’s teeth

      1. redosue

        On a completely unrelated subject – unless you think of WordPress as GOD – which of your stories was “Freshly Pressed” on your previous blog? Did you include it in your archives? I’d like to read it again. Merci mon ami.

          1. redosue

            And now a follow-up question posed to you as an expert moralist. In your opinion, would it wrong to use the freshly pressed badge on a new blog for a post from an old blog that was freshly pressed? Is there a best before date?

            1. Bruce Goodman Post author

              I don’t know!! 😀 Freshly Pressed seems to have moved away from us simple folks and be giving it to fewer and to far more sophisticated, erudite and often-beyond-my-grasp-to-totally-comprehend-what-the-bloggers-are-trying-to-say postings.

              1. redosue

                I seldom pop into the freshly pressed page anymore but I did just now for old times sake. One was a recipe from Bhutan which was okay but an odd choice I thought. I don’t know how the WP wizards find these pressable people.

                  1. redosue

                    When I was “pressed” in 2012 I didn’t even know what it was but I was pleasantly surprised that someone in the vast blogosphere found my story about knitting and thought it good enough to mention to others. You could look at it as the ultimate reblog in terms of the audience that it reaches. For someone who was/is relatively new to writing, I thought it was a big deal. It’s a form of validation for those of us who like that sort of thing.

                    1. Cynthia Jobin

                      I remember reading a story of yours about knitting—don’t know if it was the same one—and it was so very good, I decided to follow your former blog (originally spotted through M-R). And one time, in 2012 I think, I was completely shocked when my stats went clear through the roof all of a sudden….did I get freshly pressed? I thought maybe so, afterward, but it was all a mystery to me. I understand the validation thing; we all need it. But I guess I missed out on having it– for the things truly important to me—most of my life, and so I don’t spend much energy wishing for it or seeking it anymore, except from a few people whose estimation I value. Thanks for explaining. 🙂

                    2. Bruce Goodman Post author

                      When I was freshly pressed – in a non-tactile sort of way – I had just broken my leg and had to lie for 10 days with my leg up in the air without moving. Being freshly pressed was the best thing that could have happened because I got over a thousand emails and I answered each one personally!!!!

                    3. Bruce Goodman Post author

                      Most of the “friends” abandoned me – or rather, I dumped them after the ten day leg in the air was over. On another point, I have only once, to my knowledge, been read by anyone I knew personally, and that was a teacher from the school where I was librarian. I recognized her by her gravatar and not by her nom-de-plume.

                    4. redosue

                      I’ve written several things about knitting and I think the one you’re remembering is one I wrote earlier this year. I actually submitted that one to Vogue knitting and they are publishing it (WOOOT! – my first published work!) in Knit Simple magazine’s Holiday edition coming out Sept. 29. The one that was freshly pressed was in August 2012 and I’m going to repost it here soon. It was called “Needles”.

                      It sounds like you were also freshly pressed in 2012. Maybe the reason I search for validation in this is because rather late in life I’ve found something I want to excel at.

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