The phone went. Gary answered. Hello. Hello.
It was Jenny from an insurance company. Did Gary have funeral coverage? There were many advantages.
Gary was interested. He didn’t have funeral coverage, and these days… goodness! A funeral cost more than a trip to Phuket.
And so many more benefits, said Jenny. Now have I got your address right? And your phone number? And you date of birth? Is this your bank account number?
We can arrange an automatic payment, said Jenny. What’s your pin number?
Gary realised it was a scam. He had already divulged too much. But a pin number over the phone? Never!
“Look!” said Gary, “we’ve traced your phone number. We now have your physical address. Just make sure there are no children in the building for the next 48 hours. And watch what you eat, and where you eat. In fact, why don’t you save us the trouble and slit your own throat?”
An arrest was made. Thank goodness for that. There are far too many bad people about that get away with things. But not to worry; Gary’s inside for two years.
I especially liked your statement about how much a funeral costs, but was unfamiliar with a place called Phuket and, of course, I was mentally mispronouncing it, until I did some research and realized the error of my ways. Then I was inspired to write for you this wee verse:
That wish-list you tuck in your bucket?
You might as well pluck it and chuck it,
Sock away half your pay
‘Cause a funeral today
Costs more than a voyage to Phuket!
Poor Gary…..
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Phuket was where they had the huge Tsunami a couple of years ago – so I’d say “Phuket” was said quite often! Thanks for the poem!
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Oh, silly me, I thought it was pronounced ‘poo-ket’ I saw that one coming Bruce – are you slipping or am I getting brighter?
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Can the sun get brighter than it already is?
No!
Can a star slip lower on the horizon? Yes.
And it is poo… But Cynthia had already composed her poem before she googled the pronunciation!
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I didn’t see it coming, maybe I’m getting dimmer 🙂 Then again, I did know how to pronounce Phuket!
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Oh – but the moon is most lovely in its dimmer phase!
(And I just thought of this: Lucy Locket lost her Phuket!)
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Don’t know what you people are talking about….the fifth line rhymes with the third and fourth line, doesn’t it? Think Hyacinth Bucket….I mean Bouquet….
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Mary had a little lamb,
She put it in a bucket,
And every time the lamb got out,
The bulldog tried to put it back.
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Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleece was white as snow;
And everywhere that Mary went
She took the bus.
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LOL!!!!!
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So gnat explains the stench in public transit!
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I think the Phu rhymes with pooh, and the ket rhymes with get! Pooh-ket! Here in New Zealand the WH in Maori is pronounced as an F. As a kid I lived in Whakarara – not sure what a rara is!
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LOL! My sources tell me the ket is pronounced kay……poo-kay
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I was simply going on the television pronunciation during the tsunami! I tried to play the pronunciation on Websters Dictionary online, and it wouldn’t work. Maybe it’s Phuketted.
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Wikipedia:
Phuket (Thai: ภูเก็ต, [pʰūː.kèt]
pʰ pan
u shoot
t stable
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The Youtube pronunciation is as you say, poo-ket, and the guy at the local Thai restaurant (friend of mine, since I love Thai food) says it without the “t” closure at the end….like a French é
I think I’ll go with your version, since its probably the most universal….and you’re so worldly wise!
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Golly! I’d go with the Thai!!!! And simply say I’m tongue-Thai-ed.
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rara = rarity. One if a kind. Rare one.
As opposed to the common ones. ?!
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Thank you, Oscar. I’m delighted to be a rarity!
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Didn’t see it coming. Oh, no, they’ve got the wrong one!
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It happened to me – except I didn’t go to prison. The police came and I had to write a letter of apology! The police weren’t the slightest bit interested in the scam. They were only interested in me telling the scammer to “go slit your throat”!
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LOL! That makes this yarn even more tangled. And funnier for that.
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Actually, it was a member of Parliament. He was a “black” and referred to us “whites” as “mother-fucking white trash”. I complained to him in an email and he got the police on to me and demanded a written apology. He got the letter because I wanted to end the ordeal, but he was/is regarded as a “hero of indigenous rights”.
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He should have got life – the funeral wouldn’t have cost anything then
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Now there’s a thought! Would they be so kind as to bury the murderer and victim in the same grave? It could save families a lot of money!
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Reblogged this on Jane Dougherty Writes and commented:
This is a beautifully wacky story, but the comments that follow are worth reading and enjoying in their own right. Nice work everybody 🙂
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Thanks Jane for the reblog and for reading and enjoying the story. The comments I have no control over – the commentators seem to be attracted to my stories like flies to a rotten carcass…
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I have never been likened to a fly on carrion before, (yuk!) though I have often wished to be a fly-on-the-wall…..
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A fly can be a more than useful creature, as long as it doesn’t fly off the handle. Happy hovering!
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As I said, I enjoyed the banter. it felt as though I was reading a comedy script 🙂
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Comedy scripts are no joke. (When I told my parents I wanted to write funny stuff everyone laughed at me. No one’s laughing now.)
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I did.
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Anyone else getting an exceedingly annoying popup on WordPress bottom right that stays all sorts of message that I don’t want? I paid to get rid of the ads. And now this shits on my screen!
😦 I rarely use the word, but it f**ks me off!
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Reblogged this on georgeforfun.
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Thanks for the reblog, and for reading and visiting!
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My pleasure indeed ));<)))))
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A trademark stroke. I loved every bit of it, right from the caller who whisked up the horrors of the funeral, to the shocking end. it is always a pleasure to be in on Weave a Web.
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Well it actually happened to me – almost word for word – but I didn’t go to prison. If you’ll pardon the language, the Maori Member of Parliament called all the non-Maori members of the country “mother-fucking White trash”. So I emailed him and told him to slit his throat. It didn’t work! The police got on to me…! 😦
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Wow! There is one more thing we have in common, even though we are in crazily different cultures and climes –the pesky callers remain the same, nonetheless.
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