677. Thora’s questionnaire

Thora was the epitome of both meddlesomeness and overbearingness. She was therefore rather taken aback, when she died and arrived at Heaven’s Pearly Gates, to be made to wait in line. She jumped the queue little by little and ended up at the front quicker than Saint Peter had originally intended.

Thora was further aghast. No, she couldn’t go straight through. Would she mind sitting over at that side table there and filling out a questionnaire?

“Of course I would mind,” said Thora. “A questionnaire?”

“Do it!” said Saint Peter.

Question One: List five people on earth who should be the next to die. State why.

“An excellent question,” thought Thora. “There’s Ena Bisset; she had that affair with the mechanic last week when she was getting an oil change for her car. Then there’s Tania Schonberger; she drinks far far too much and hides her gin bottles under the bed. And there’s Sharon de Silva; she…”

“Excuse me! Excuse me!” called Thora to Saint Peter. “Why do I have to make this list? Haven’t you been watching what goes on down there?”

Thora stood. She strode over.

“Step aside,” she said to Saint Peter. “You’ve been at it two thousand years and need a break. Okay, hurry up you lazy people, we have to get rid of this queue.”

Thora pushed some people through and rejected others. She worked tirelessly all day. She was in her element. Not once did she have to consult the notes Saint Peter had left. She knew everyone’s business by heart.

So if you happen to have the opportunity in the not-too-distant future of “passing through”, don’t be surprised to see Thora in charge.