© Bruce Goodman 6 August 2015
Moira and Archie had five daughters: Muriel, Betty, Grace, Mary, and Eunice. They loved their daughters greatly, but sort of hoped for a son. Don’t get me wrong; if they had five sons they would’ve hoped for a daughter.
Archie read and practised everything he could find to increase the chances of creating a boy. He drank lots of coffee before doing the deed. Apparently coffee greatly excited the male spermatozoa and they swam to the egg in an enthusiastic sprint.
He ate less fruit and vegetables because little X-chromosomes liked their fruit and vegetables too much. In fact, he had a strictly alkaline diet because little Y-chromosomes disliked acid. He upped his intake of sodium and potassium, and of calcium and magnesium. He consulted the Chinese Lunar Calendar. He hit the chocolate, because according to the copy of Women Today and Yesterday in the dentist’s waiting room, skinny people produce girls.
And you know what? It worked! It worked! They had a boy! This was a few years back.
Today, David (or Davinia as she is now known) is the apple of her father’s eye.