© Bruce Goodman 5 August 2015
Humphrey wasn’t the most practical gardener this side of the Mississippi. It wasn’t just in gardening where his impractical bent lay. For example, when he tried to hang a tea-towel rack in his kitchen he attempted to nail in the screws with a hammer. When someone suggested he use a screwdriver instead, he hammered at the screws with the wrong end of the screwdriver.
Out in his garden he had discovered a new way to save on spending. He planted several rows of salted peanuts. None came up of course. When he complained to the storekeeper that the peanuts he had been sold had not been pollinated he was simply sniggered at. Out of the entire bag of peanuts not a single salted peanut sprouted. Humphrey was affronted by the snigger. He gave up gardening altogether.
Then he lost his job. His boss had told him to file some documents. Humphrey used a file from his tool box, and that didn’t go down too well.
Today he’s self-employed. He works as a cabinet maker. His furniture sells for hundreds. Everything is badly made. It’s crooked, skewwhiff, completely cockeyed. It’s quite the rage.
I’m a bit like Humphrey!
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There was a crooked man and he walked a crooked mile.
He found a crooked sixpence against a crooked stile.
He bought a crooked cat which caught a crooked mouse
And they all lived together in a little crooked house.
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That doesn’t match your usual standard of poesy! And a shame that the modern generation may not know what a sixpence is/was!
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They probably don’t know what a stile is, either. (Maybe that’s how they spell “style”).
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I like stiles and garden gates! When I win the lottery and get my own place I shall plant an orchard with a garden gate and a stile with rambling roses leading to further afield!
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Yes. Very much like they spell “phat”, “kool”, and “fosho”.
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What the phat is phat?!
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Humphrey’s new clientele couldn’t buy enough if his phat furniture.
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Of course they do, it’s a Rockband!
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What the phat is a rockband?
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The Rockband lay wasted on the beach as the waves failed to bring the stones back into the ocean.
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I wouldn’t give a cent to hear Sixpence.
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😀 Jan – let’s hope you strike it rich!
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Go Humphrey!
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😀
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There’s a place for everything under heaven…even a clumsy literalist!
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I knew someone as impractical as that!
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I can see why Humphrey’s stuff is popular. A few years ago, chipped, worn painted furniture was really in. It was called ‘distressed,’ and would have distressed me to buy it outside of a yard sale…
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Absolutely depressing… I mean distressing!
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So Humphery was the founder of IKEA?!
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IKEA lasted less than a year in New Zealand – they were too sophisticated.
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Humphrey sounds like our predecessor. Successful, too. We bought the house.
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Having followed your blog of recent times I think you made the right decision: you two bought and you beautify!
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Thanks, Bruce
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A good idea he shelved his plans 😉
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