651. Pissed off

© Bruce Goodman 23 July 2015


It used to annoy Eugene Donaldson immensely. Harry the neighbour, unaffectionately known by the locals as Dirty Harry, used to pee on the boundary fence. Eugene didn’t give a dying duck about seeing Dirty Harry’s diddle. What annoyed him was the uric acid on his lemons.

“Don’t do it,” said Eugene. “I’m sick of getting your C5H4N4O3 on my lemon trees.”

“It’s good for your lemons,” said Dirty Harry.

Eugene attached an electric cable to the fence. He sat in his kitchen watching through the window with his hand on the switch.

Out came Dirty Harry. Out came his diddle.


Dirty Harry never peed again on the lemon trees.

It had its down side though. Eugene’s trees didn’t produce half as many lemons.

18 thoughts on “651. Pissed off

    1. Bruce Goodman Post author

      I rather like the vodka idea. At present we have grapefruit coming out our ears. My partner uses the grapefruit juice with vodka on a regular basis. Unfortunately heart pills forbid the imbibing of grapefruit – so I just have the vodka!

  1. arlingwoman

    Hmmm. Several times, a dog owner has said to me (while his dog is peeing on my plants) “It’s organic,” to which I finally snapped one day, “Yes, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t toxic.” I haven’t seen that dog owner or dog since…

  2. noelleg44

    What a hoot of a story. I thought he was peeing to keep the deer away. My Dad used to go out and pee all around my Mom’s garden to keep the deer from eating her veggies and flowers.


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