© Bruce Goodman 12 July 2015
It was one of those hot, hot, sticky summer days. Wade sat in his living room in front of an electric fan taking turns holding up one armpit after the other in an effort to cool off. He still had the grocery shopping to do, so eventually he bit the bullet and off he went.
Wade always kept his wallet in his trouser pocket, so he didn’t even bother to check to make sure it was there.
At the supermarket he followed his grocery list and got most things, and at least the shop was a bit cooler thanks to air conditioning. Then he thought (it wasn’t on his list but he thought it would be a good idea) he’d buy a couple of bottles of cold cordial drink or something, but he couldn’t find any that were cold. They all seemed to be in the normal shelves. So he asked a shop assistant where the cold drinks in the fridge were, and she said I thought you were going to ask me where the condoms were.
What a stupid idiot, thought Wade. I might be heading for forty and look about thirty, and am not that bad looking overall, but that proposition on a hot day came from nowhere. Quite frankly it pissed him off. So he said “Ho! Ho! Ho!” like he was Santa Claus or someone, and she eventually told him where the cold drinks were.
Then he went out through the cashier, and went to pay for all his stuff but his wallet wasn’t in his pocket.
In fact it might have been in his pocket, but he’d forgotten to put on his trousers.
Ha, ha! Love the ending!
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Thanks Chris, I found myself giggling!
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The image of Wade alternately airing his armpits was the first big laugh….then the image of his em-bare-ass-ment, a big surprise and even bigger laugh!
(Once when I was working in rehearsals with the Melrose Community Players, not getting home
’til midnight, and too wound up to sleep….yet having to go to my teaching job in a big urban high school the next morning….I arrived at school only to discover I was fully clothed except for my skirt. I had to wear my raincoat in classes all day.)
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I remember Margaret Mahy (the famous children’s author) telling me that when she was at primary school she once forgot to put on her knickers!
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I’m reminded of that old Scottish tune “Let the wind blow high, let the wind blow low, all the lassies say hullo! Donald, where’s yer troosers!”
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I’d forgotten about that song! But yes!!!
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I hate when that happens! Then I have to rush all the way home, find the trousers I was last wearing, scurry back to the grocery store, panting!
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LOL! What does a guy do when he gets to the top of a hill? He takes off his hat and pants.
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Pa-ram-pamp!
Hey, white boy, turn on the mic! 🎤
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A). I don’t use a mic (the neighbours might complain).
B). I’ve just gone on a wild goose chase looking for Pa-ram-pamp!
C). What makes you think I’m white?
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Sorry for the wild goose chase. Pa-ram-pamp! is my Spanglish version of “ba-dum-DUM!” Look at the bright side: better off on a wild goose chase, than being goosed wildly!
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Aha! As I always suspected with the use of Spanglish and your name – you are obviously from Iceland or some other Latino place! Where the gander gets his goslings goosed on a regular basis.
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If by regular basis you mean once every five years, then yes: I am Icelandic.
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LOL! That sounds both familiar and frigid.
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Ha-ha! I didn’t see that one coming – very funny! [I like your new page images too]
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Thanks! I had to use the word “trousers” instead of “pants” because someone from England took it to mean underwear! 😀
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Bruce my kumera is not sprouting as in the pictures you posted, been 4 weeks, what could be wrong? Thanks!
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Did you put it in the dark to start it off in a bit of water? Mine (started at the same time as the 600th posting) is about a foot high!
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I had a good laugh at the guy airing his armpits. What a hoot!
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LOL! I hope it hasn’t given you any ideas!
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Good visual, though.
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That gave me an early Sunday morning chuckle; thanks.
It does put me in mind of a disturbing series of dreams I used to have. At some point in each one, usually while in a meeting or interview situation, I would look down and see that I was naked below the waist. Strangely, like Agrajag in the Hitchhiker’s Guide, my reaction was always “Oh no, not again,”
I stopped having those dreams when I retired. Stopped having the flying ones too.
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😀 I still have the flying ones – even though retired. I never had the naked ones ever – but then again I was always one to miss out on the more exciting aspects of life… 😀
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I enjoyed the flying ones. To have the naked ones, you obviously have to be more neurotic or insecure than the average person.
It always interested me, that while it was happening, not only did I (apparently) know I was dreaming, but I also recognised that this as a regular occurrence!
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Excellent 🙂
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Thanks, Derrick!
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Oops! Rather unfortunate ending :p
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