640. Hot shopping

© Bruce Goodman 12 July 2015


It was one of those hot, hot, sticky summer days. Wade sat in his living room in front of an electric fan taking turns holding up one armpit after the other in an effort to cool off. He still had the grocery shopping to do, so eventually he bit the bullet and off he went.

Wade always kept his wallet in his trouser pocket, so he didn’t even bother to check to make sure it was there.

At the supermarket he followed his grocery list and got most things, and at least the shop was a bit cooler thanks to air conditioning. Then he thought (it wasn’t on his list but he thought it would be a good idea) he’d buy a couple of bottles of cold cordial drink or something, but he couldn’t find any that were cold. They all seemed to be in the normal shelves. So he asked a shop assistant where the cold drinks in the fridge were, and she said I thought you were going to ask me where the condoms were.

What a stupid idiot, thought Wade. I might be heading for forty and look about thirty, and am not that bad looking overall, but that proposition on a hot day came from nowhere. Quite frankly it pissed him off. So he said “Ho! Ho! Ho!” like he was Santa Claus or someone, and she eventually told him where the cold drinks were.

Then he went out through the cashier, and went to pay for all his stuff but his wallet wasn’t in his pocket.

In fact it might have been in his pocket, but he’d forgotten to put on his trousers.

27 thoughts on “640. Hot shopping

  1. Cynthia Jobin

    The image of Wade alternately airing his armpits was the first big laugh….then the image of his em-bare-ass-ment, a big surprise and even bigger laugh!

    (Once when I was working in rehearsals with the Melrose Community Players, not getting home
    ’til midnight, and too wound up to sleep….yet having to go to my teaching job in a big urban high school the next morning….I arrived at school only to discover I was fully clothed except for my skirt. I had to wear my raincoat in classes all day.)

    Liked by 3 people

      1. Susanne

        I’m reminded of that old Scottish tune “Let the wind blow high, let the wind blow low, all the lassies say hullo! Donald, where’s yer troosers!”

        Liked by 2 people

            1. Bruce Goodman Post author

              Aha! As I always suspected with the use of Spanglish and your name – you are obviously from Iceland or some other Latino place! Where the gander gets his goslings goosed on a regular basis.

              Liked by 1 person

  2. Keith Channing

    That gave me an early Sunday morning chuckle; thanks.
    It does put me in mind of a disturbing series of dreams I used to have. At some point in each one, usually while in a meeting or interview situation, I would look down and see that I was naked below the waist. Strangely, like Agrajag in the Hitchhiker’s Guide, my reaction was always “Oh no, not again,”
    I stopped having those dreams when I retired. Stopped having the flying ones too.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Keith Channing

        I enjoyed the flying ones. To have the naked ones, you obviously have to be more neurotic or insecure than the average person.
        It always interested me, that while it was happening, not only did I (apparently) know I was dreaming, but I also recognised that this as a regular occurrence!

        Liked by 1 person


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