© Bruce Goodman 29 June 2015
Eleanor sublimated her poor marriage into gardening. She’d always dreamed of a wonderful husband and family. In fact it turned out horrid. They couldn’t have kids, and he blamed her even though his sperm count was about minus forty in the shade. They had nothing in common. He would go to the pub most nights. Eleanor stayed at home and watched television on her own.
She tried to interest him in having a vegetable garden but he said that gardening was for wusses and went off to the pub again. So Eleanor developed the most beautiful flower garden and didn’t grow vegetables. Her garden took up all the ground they had.
“It saves on having to mow the lawn,” said Eleanor, even though having everything in flower gardens was ten times more work than a lawn. But what a garden! She had flowers to flower so there would be flowers flowering all year round. She had her favourite too: a collection of special irises. And there were daylilies of every shape and colour. Everything! Every plant under the sun! A symphony of colour and scent! A palate of blazing glory!
And then her sister took ill and was dying, and Eleanor had to leave home for a couple of weeks and go to help out.
When she came home, the whole place had been rotary-hoed and planted in potatoes. Her husband had done it. He’d heard in the pub that there was money to be made in growing spuds.
Well, at least it kept him out of the pub
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Cheers Derrick! He probably was better left in the pub!
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That spud bud is a real dud, and now his name shall be mud….
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Oh my Gud!
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I wasn’t even close with this one. I thought she’d bury him under the flowers.
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If I was her I still would!
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Haha! I suppose she was a bit of a couch potato mind.
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At least she didn’t have a chip on her shoulder.
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I love this, but if you were in the UK wouldn’t it be….a crisp on her shoulder? 😦
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No because a chip is a French fry (fish ‘n chips) – and a chippie is a USA chip! (at least in NZ) and a crisp is a … You will have to ask an Englishman!
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I hope she does bury him. You could do a sequel to this story, please.
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What a jerk! Eleanor needs to sublimate that marriage by covering the entire property with a slab of concrete. And build a skate park for all the local children to come over and play.
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She’ll do that – it’s a great idea. I’ll send you her bank account number…
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LOL. She has a joint account with that jerk…oh wait it’s probably all spent at the pub.
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Maybe she should have just a joint – without the account.
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That’s why she’s so upset. The maryjane was hidden amoungst the flowers.
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OMG! You been there too!
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Your mind is a seething cauldron of wickedness – such dark fun! (And, I might add, much better than the cat story from yesterday.)
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Thank you Susanne. I’m sorry about the cat story… I regretted even typing it out, but the ending crept in (with catlike tread) and I was loathed to delete something that was in some cases (as in Cynthia’s grandmother’s) true…
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I don’t particularly like cats and I know these kinds of things happen but, still. The other day when walking the dog I came across a wounded bird and I didn’t know what to do. The humane thing would have been to put it out of it’s misery but I couldn’t so I picked it up, brought it to the woods, made a little nest for it and left. I’m haunted by that damn bird.
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There was a starving dog down a lane that I saw the other day. I had to walk past it to get to the car. Again, I didn’t know what to do. I drove off but came back later with some food but it had gone.
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The humane thing to do would be to find the dog’s owner, throw a bag over his head and toss him into the nearest river. Just sayin’.
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No need to get catty!
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I thought she was going to poison him with foxgloves or something…aconite maybe. At least nothing was drowned.
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Foxgloves is a good idea. I feel a story coming up!
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She’s better off without him. What a dork! Good story though. 😀
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He should be uprooted indeed!
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Ha ha ha ha
Especially since he uprooted all his wife’s precious flowers. 😀 😀
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Tchaa! What a horrible horrible person! Some (most) husbands are like that. Can’t have their wives making a success of anything. We have a speciman or two like that here.
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I think there’s a few about!
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Time to plant Eleanor’s husband in the garden… 😀
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Agreed!
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