© Bruce Goodman 27 June 2015
Sylvia’s mother was an absolute conniving bitch. There are no other words for it. She was a manipulative scheming strumpet; a devious cold-hearted wench. I suppose you would like to know why.
Her name was Mrs Avery. I told Sylvia that her mother was a conniving, manipulative, scheming, devious, cold-hearted person, and Sylvia didn’t believe me.
I phoned Sylvia’s mother and asked for Sylvia. Her mother said that Sylvia was too busy to come to the phone and that she was trying to start a new life of her own. Sylvia’s packing, she said. She’ll be leaving today to get married to this guy down Galveston way. So don’t phone again, Hairy Legs, she said, and Sylvie, take your umbrella because it’s starting to rain. Sylvia’s about to catch the nine o’clock train.
Well, as I said, Sylvia didn’t believe me. But after that telephone conversation with Sylvia right next to me, in fact in the same bed, I put Sylvia on the phone. And Sylvia called her mother an absolute conniving bitch. There are no other words for it. She was a manipulative scheming strumpet; a devious cold-hearted wench.
So, that’s one less on the wedding invitation list.
Now let’s see. Who’s the next relative I want to get rid of? Once I’ve wiped all her relatives off the wedding list, I’ll dump Sylvia herself. I certainly wouldn’t want a mother-in-law like Mrs Avery.
She’s such an absolute conniving bitch. There are no other words for it.
Hmm… why do I feel the sudden desire to sing, Bruce? And about Sylvia’s mother? 😀 😀
The conniving bitch!
Perhaps if the marriage still goes on, you might invite Eleanor Rigby? She’s kind of lonely and would enjoy attending a good wedding…
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LOL! Sing away – O Waltzing Matilda!
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Managing to reference the Wizard of Oz and The Beatles (applauds)
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LOL – a bit of an “Everyman”.
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There probably are some other words for it….. but I like your refrain, and your refraining from using those other words 🙂
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Thanks. The “no other words” refrain was something I giggled at when typing. I didn’t think any one would get it!
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I associate that song with a Waltzer ride at an old fashioned theme park. I remember coming off the ride feeling quite nauseous and whenever I’ve heard that song since …. bleahhh!
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It’s funny how we go through life collecting associations!
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Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show!!!!!! I can’t believe we all started singing it. Next we’ll be on the cover of the Rolling Stone.
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LOL! 40 cents more for another three minutes!
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It certainly takes one to know one. And Hairy Legs seems to be gleefully throwing stones from his glass house.
Great job. Loved it!
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Thanks. Now has anyone seen my razor?
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🙂
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I don’t know about you, but I know someone just like that. I’m still chuckling. 😀
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Thanks. I think there’s a few like that in most places!
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I’m beginning to think I can’t pick up in the middle, can I?
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You can pick up where ever you like, and make what ever you like out of every story! Every one else does! (I even find that the stories I like most get the least likes!)
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It’s that way with some of my posts, too.
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Strumpet!!
That is a fantastic word. And Sylvia’s mother sounds awesome, a little sociopathic mind, but otherwise quite monstrous, we would have borne many little shits, had we met, I’m sure of it.
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It’s very Shakespearean!
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Your just showing off!
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😀
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