© Bruce Goodman 10 June 2015
Harvey had to cross a busy street to get to the butcher’s. Why walk another hundred yards just to use the pedestrian crossing when you can jaywalk?
He went to the butcher’s because the butcher said he had a pile of offal that Harvey could have for free: kidneys, livers, brains, hearts, tongues. It was a large bagful. Harvey was delighted. He would freeze them and use them as needed.
Re-crossing the road to get back to his car, a bus went Wham! Bang! Kapow! The mess! The mess! My goodness! You’ve never seen such a mess! There was blood everywhere and bits of heart and liver and kidney and tongue and brains and testicles. Bystanders were screaming and shouting and phoning for an ambulance. Ambulances turned up in droves.
The police cordoned off the area and first aiders began the gruesome task of picking up the pieces and putting them into plastic bags. The ambulance driver, who had years of experience, had never seen anything like it. He was behind the hearse heaving his guts out.
Were there any witnesses? You, sir? Did you see anything?
Not a thing, said Harvey as he went to his car and drove off home. It looks like it’ll be left-overs for dinner.
Just offal!
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LOLLOLLOLLOL!!! You’re getting worse than Cynthia! (However, it is one of my favourite stories!)
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I consider it high praise to be in the same company as Cynthia, offal or not!
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Harvey didn’t have the guts to tell them what really happened. Offaly, offaly good story!
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You and Sue should go on a vacation together somewhere as a mutual punishment! I am rather fond of this story.
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No punishment. We would have an offal good time. (And, for tripe’s sake, you SHOULD be fond of this story…..it’s a good’un!)
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Oh, Cynthia, balls! Have a heart! Just kiddneying!
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Still laughing
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LOL ! Thank you Bob
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Brilliant. Definitely didn’t see it coming. And they even had the ambulance driver’s guts to clear up too.
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Ha ha ha! They probably left that bit to the rain!
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Great story!
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Thanks – I enjoy the occasional blood and guts!
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You are the Ab de Villiers of puny tales!
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I’m just a humble batsman!
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