608. Kapow!

© Bruce Goodman 10 June 2015


Harvey had to cross a busy street to get to the butcher’s. Why walk another hundred yards just to use the pedestrian crossing when you can jaywalk?

He went to the butcher’s because the butcher said he had a pile of offal that Harvey could have for free: kidneys, livers, brains, hearts, tongues. It was a large bagful. Harvey was delighted. He would freeze them and use them as needed.

Re-crossing the road to get back to his car, a bus went Wham! Bang! Kapow! The mess! The mess! My goodness! You’ve never seen such a mess! There was blood everywhere and bits of heart and liver and kidney and tongue and brains and testicles. Bystanders were screaming and shouting and phoning for an ambulance. Ambulances turned up in droves.

The police cordoned off the area and first aiders began the gruesome task of picking up the pieces and putting them into plastic bags. The ambulance driver, who had years of experience, had never seen anything like it. He was behind the hearse heaving his guts out.

Were there any witnesses? You, sir? Did you see anything?

Not a thing, said Harvey as he went to his car and drove off home. It looks like it’ll be left-overs for dinner.

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