583. Heavenly banquet

© Bruce Goodman 16 May 2015

Herman was a greedy-guts in life; a glutton. He died and went to Heaven. He noticed something strange. He didn’t have a … (Dear Reader, please excuse me, but this is a word I don’t like. I don’t like the sound of it and I don’t like the look of it. Let me start again …)

Herman was a greedy-guts in life; a glutton. He died and went to Heaven. He noticed something strange. He didn’t have an … anus.

In Heaven there were rows and rows of tables staggering under different foods. Everyone was tucking into the grub (“grub” as in “food”). There was a huge table just for oysters, all being freshly shucked by angels. There were meats of every kind. There were even stuffed pterodactyls served with a prune-like sauce garnered from another galaxy. Herman was in awe. But what was he to do if he didn’t have an … anus? How does one … ? How does one … poop?

Herman approached a cherub whose sole task was to create sorbet-vodka shots for the Redeemed.

“How come these people in Heaven are tucking into the grub if they don’t have an anus?” asked Herman.

“Oh but they do have an anus!” announced the sorbet-vodka mixing cherub. “If you don’t have an anus it means you’re in to Hell.”