292. Easter egg drop


Honora was horrified. Utterly horrified! She’d taken her daughter, Desdemona, to the great Easter egg drop. It was at the park. A helicopter was going to drop thousands of Easter eggs, and the children would rush to find them. Such fun! Such marshmallow chocolate! Such noise! And all on Good Friday to commemorate the death of Jesus!

But that’s not why she was horrified; she didn’t give a tuppenny stuff about Jesus. It was a holiday, and this chocolate was free!

The organizers were expecting around three thousand people. There were eleven thousand. The helicopter flew over and dropped the Easter eggs.

The rush! The havoc! The scramble! Mothers pushed over other mothers’ children to get to the eggs. Dads tore eggs from the hands of children. Children were scratched, ripped, trampled and in tears. Now that’s why Honora was horrified.

Honora’s Desdemona didn’t get a single Easter egg. She missed out. Look at that! Look at that greedy Chinese woman over there! She has two Easter eggs! Selfish foreigner!

Honora had had enough. She went over, punched the Chinese woman in the face and knocked her to the ground; the greedy foreign immigrant bitch. These foreigners have no concept of sharing.

I delight in having my dull life coloured by your intelligent perceptions, your wit, and your vivacity.

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