50. All Stops Out


It was Easter Sunday. Wilfred was seated at the gigantic pipe organ in the cathedral. He had all the stops out, in preparation for the triumphant Gloria. It would be LOUD!


Things hadn’t been going too well in the organ loft in the last few months. A large Samoan family had discovered the whereabouts of the keys to the spiral staircase leading to the loft, and had regularly “invaded” Wilfred’s domain during Mass.

Things would be different this Easter Sunday! He had taken the keys to the organ loft and locked himself in. Wilfred’s space was secure. And his mind-blowing, wondrously loud intonation of the Gloria was about to occur. Glory to God in the highest!

“Let us prepare ourselves by calling to mind our sins,” said the priest. “Let us do this in the silence of our hearts.”

At that moment, Wilfred had a massive heart attack, and collapsed (with all stops out) across the seven ranks of keyboards.

“The keys? The keys to the loft? Has anyone seen the keys to the loft?” shouted the Reverend Father. But he could not be heard.

Please feel free to spout, tout, flout, sprout, pout, or simply say something sensible

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