(The poetic form selected for this month is the Burns stanza. However, even though I liked what I’d written it was a bit “hard-hitting” and I decided that some readers would get offended – so I wrote something modelled on the ghazal instead!!)
Once wound I am ignored, the old clock chimes.
Once loved and once adored, the old clock chimes.
Too weak and frail to spring from bed at dawn,
Men wait in old age ward. The old clock chimes.
Three! Three! Three at last! Thank God Almighty!
School is out! Praise the Lord! the old clock chimes!
Four times she runs late for work, just this week;
It’s what she can’t afford, the old clock chimes.
Five-green-bottles-hanging-on-the-wall song:
In which one is time stored? the old clock chimes.
Six steps on toes the ballerina goes,
Major lift, minor chord, the old clock chimes.
Severn is the river through Shrewsbury.
So? Just for the record, the old clock chimes.
Ate eight big eggs for breakfast, fried in fat,
And greasy bacon gnawed. The old clock chimes.
Nein, the Germans say. No! Trains leave on time!
Delay is much abhorred! The old clock chimes!
Tender are most maternal hearts, and kind;
Kids leave to go abroad, the old clock chimes.
Eleven days make way for dozens more.
In none is bliss forestalled. The old clock chimes.
Twelve heralds in the darkest midnight hour.
I’m timeworn… slow… and bored… The old clock chimes.
To hear the poem read aloud click HERE.
Bruce, with time, you are becoming a shayar. A ghazal writer. I loved, loved this one.
My favourite couplet is
Tender are most maternal hearts, and kind;
Kids leave to go abroad, the old clock chimes.
My 29 year old baby has not gone abroad, but 828.8 Km from Sydney for 3 months is far enough for me…..
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Thanks, Shubha. That is most encouraging. (And I believe your comment is the 19,500th on this blog!!)
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Yay! I’m not superstitious, but 19 and 5 happen to be my lucky numbers. And I hope they bring you luck too.
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Well, I was happy to see this splendid example of the ghazal appear
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Hey, WordPress, I wasn’t finished with my comment!
I was going to add, could you please send us the original, in a plain wrapper, so we can judge for ourselves whether to be offended, or not.
😇
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I just might do that. But first have to take the dog for a walk and it’s hosing down!
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http://stagebarn.com/poemamonth/poetry2017/36habbie.html
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Oh, how I wish Cynthia was still alive. She’d write the most brilliant critique of this habbie! I can only say it made me chuckle. Thanks!
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Thanks, Yvonne! I just feared that some might think the persona was me!!
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You know what? That thought never crossed my tiny mind, Bruce Almighty.
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Well that’s a relief (and a nice compliment!)
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Thanks, Yvonne. I thought of you!!
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Who is this star in the ascendant at nightfall?
Painting the sky gold, the old clock chimes.
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Uma Shankar this is a beautiful couplet, but may I say that this will not suffice. It is mid August and yet nothing new from you?
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But, Ma’am, it being the 15th of August, I am free of all earthly bonds today!
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Sure. It’s Janmashtami today, so the birth of something new is most welcome 🙂
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Your words are light unto my path.
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The clock chimes the name of the star (to be said in a deep resonating voice): Uma! Uma! Uma!It’s 3 o’clock!
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All right, Bruce. You win!
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An excellent run through a lifetime. Whoever wrote the habbie hadn’t heard of Gareth Thomas
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Thanks, Derrick. It amazing how some stereotypes hang around for longer than they should!
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Wow how brilliant….you have me addicted and smiling, a lovely piece!
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Thank you very much! If only I could take a photo in focus like your good self!!
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I’m sure you can Bruce! 🙂
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I like the elegiac nature of this Bruce.
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Thanks, Andrea. (And “elegiac” is such a good word!!)
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This is brilliant!
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Thanks! I love compliments!!
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